Its been approximately 5 years since I last saw you. You shattered my heart. But somehow I still love you. Please don’t let that get to your head. It’s not the type of love you are probably hoping for. Let’s get some stuff straight, I left you, yes, but you drove me to it. You pushed me and pushed me away until I finally broke. I cried more nights than I smiled. I cried because they said long distance didn’t work, I was determined to prove them wrong, you on the other hand, were not as willing as I was. Yes, I smothered you, I threw myself to you, because since the 4th grade I knew I loved you and you never gave me the time of day. So when I finally had your attention, I went a little crazy. But I loved you, I whole heartedly loved you. I was planning college around you. I was prepared to move 309 miles to be with you. I was willing to sacrifice and leave everything behind for you. But you wouldn’t even give me the time of day. For so long, I blamed myself for our relationship failing, but it wasn’t me, it was you. You weren’t ready, you weren’t mature enough to handle it. Stupid me for thinking that I would marry you and be apart of your family, whom loved me so dearly, might I add. I just wanted to let you know, I do still love you. I will always love you. You were the “one that got away”. I only wished for so long that you would love me just an ounce of what I loved you. The pain you caused me, by breaking my heart, that pain caused me to throw up my walls, the walls I broke down for you. Because of you I felt like a failure. I felt that I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t worthy, that I was useless, but in fact, it was you that wasn’t worthy of me. It was you that wasn’t good enough for me. I went above and beyond for you. I would have murdered, lied, cheated, stole, whatever you needed me to do, just so you would not have to be without. I loved you with a love that only comes once in a life time. I am so sorry that I wasted it on you. I do still love you. I keep repeating this in the letter because deep down, I will never be able to erase everything. I wish I could, but then again, I’m glad I cant… I enjoy remembering the good times with you, how I had created my own world with just you and me. I still love you. Let me explain, I love you, I am NOT in love with you. I love you now with a love that cant be replaced. I love you with a love of appreciation because with all the pain you caused me, you forced me to open my eyes and fall out of my fantasy I had painted around us. You threw me off my cloud 9. I care about you. I want you to be happy. I want you to have everything you have ever wanted. I want you to achieve every dream you ever had, I want you to succeed. I want you to love someone the way I loved you, and I hope that they don’t break you like you broke me. I hope they don’t force you to do the most heart breaking thing in the world. I hope they handle you so gently and they keep you safe, like I did. I hope you fall so incredibly in love that you can actually see yourself with them. I still love you.